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In 3 days I will be divorced. (YAY!)

We now live in a day and age of the social network, and that makes breaking up/getting a divorce a little more tricky. Now that you've split from each other's lives, you still have the social connection of your ex's posts popping on your newsfeed. Now there is one of 2 ways to deal with the (for some of us) unwelcome reminder that your ex has moved on.
There is also the issue of .... animosity on social networking sites (this one included). If the split was *not* mutual, and it was acrimonious and not civil, there is going to be a lot of so called flaming or just angry/bitchy posts directed at the now ex.
And finally, there are your mutual friends - the ones you had as a couple. Generally (from my understanding - and granted this is the first time this has happened to me, personally) friends will do one of a few things: a) remain friends with both of you, b) remain friends with you or c) remain friends with your ex.

I chose to deal with the first issue by just removing my ex from my newsfeed. I did not want to un/de-friend him. However it was/is painful to see him with the woman I feel he cheated on me with. (I maintain that if you start an emotional connection even without being physical it's still an affair. This is a highly personal definition, and I understand everyone defines an affair differently). Our split is indeed civil, friendly even. There were no posts attacking one another's character or life choices. I will not lie to you, it's been more difficult at times than others but you gotta take the high road sometimes.

I have not asked our friends to choose. Ultimately it would be very nice if we as individuals with new partners could be friends with everyone who we were friends with as a couple. I understand that they would be closer to my ex, as I'm not the most social/open individual and I generally only say something when I feel I have something to say.

My ex said something about my suddenly posting all this "mushy" stuff about my new guy when I never posted anything like that about him. I thought about that and I realized why I got so irked. He's been posting pictures of him and his new girlfriend (who is 20 by the way) for months. Wait a second - so all of a sudden I post a few sentimental things and it's confusing/out of character? But he's posting pictures of himself and his girlfriend and that is more okay then me just posting words? I don't really get it, but that's okay - I might not be meant to understand. It also means I need to stop posting stuff on facebook.

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Comments

ufo8mykat
Apr. 25th, 2011 05:20 pm (UTC)
It's not necessary to live your own life based on how he lives his, and based on how you will react to one another. Naturally there will be jealousy, and your friends will have to be big enough to know how to help which ever of you needs help, to get through it.

A friend's charge is to help you understand life regardless of the accuracy of your perspective. They are supposed to listen to how you feel, to accept it as your genuine feelings, and to help you cope when you have a hard day. That's a friend.

The morale of right and wrong is over, the fight is over. You're divorced, and there's no more space in your life for that. Deal with the feelings as they are, and don't let anyone stomp you for how you feel, because you will know you are taking care of yourself as best you can.

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