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What does happiness mean to me?

I asked myself for years "How can I be happy?" I honestly did not understand what to do to gain that contented peaceful feeling that eluded me for years and years...

Until 4 months ago during my hospitalization. I made a conscious decision to be "happy".

Seriously that was it: I decided I was sick and tired of being depressed and miserable and to stop hating myself.

I understand that it seems ... counter-intuitive. I was so focused on avoiding any thought that made me the least bit uncomfortable and completely missed out on why I was feeling the way I did. I got an excellent book in the hospital that showed me that I was the only one who made me feel anything. I made the decision to be upset/sad/angry/happy based on how I perceived what was said to me/or how someone behaved towards me. Instead of avoiding what is bothering me, I write it or talk it out with a good friend to help me understand it's not the end of the world when something happens that I'm not happy with.

What's really great for me is, now I'm actually happy. I have that contentment that I always wanted. I'm really okay with how I am as a person and who I am as a person.

I have my cats, and my nice comfy bed with comfy sheets and a pretty good job.
I like where I am now and I made an early new years resolution: I'm not going to fall back into what I was like before.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 22nd, 2011 01:37 am (UTC)
Great Info
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Apr. 1st, 2011 03:19 pm (UTC)
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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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